It is an uneasy thought to realize I really have no one to choose as bridesmaids. I have no best friend and no one I talk to on a regular basis at all. It's mainly my fault because I seclude myself in the comfort of my own place with my animals. They are true friends when you think about it. I want a best friend. Unfortunately, with some of my old ones, we dislike each other for reasons I can't remember now, and I have little desire to go out and meet new people. I honestly should not be complaining.

What I will complain about is; summer! I'm so ready for fall/winter. This summer has been way too hot, another reason I'd rather stay indoors, and enjoy the a.c. I cannot wait to bundle up in sweaters, tights, and boots. Even though I'll be rather big by the time those seasons get here, but I think the only weight I'll gain will be just in my tummy. This summer made me appreciate cool weather and I can't wait for it! Maybe by then I won't be as much of a homebody and have friends. Woo hoo, be optimistic.

There are so many things going through my head at the moment, so many things.

We have less than 8 weeks to plan this wedding, and it all boils down to money, which we don't have for the type of wedding his parents want and expect. I feel like it's the most expensive route, but hey, it's all about everyone else being happy isn't it? It sucks because aside from my regular bills, I had to fork out $600 to pay my property taxes. [I didn't realize I did not pay for last years, oops] Next money I want to pay off my credit card which is a whopping $500 to clear it. [No it wasn't impulsive buying on it, strictly for apartment stuff honestly] With those recent debts haunting me, I really have no money to spare by the time we get married and neither will John really. This is where we have to put our heads together and decide what is best for us.

Work isn't helping with my stress either. Ever since they snatched Betty from me without notice, I'm left with 4 people on staff [including myself], leaving us having to work at least one day a week by ourselves without a break. I know, it's illegal but unavoidable. Starting Saturday, I'll be down a person because one is leaving for 16 days on vacation. So after my day off this Wednesday, I'll be working 20 days straight if not more until I see my next day off. And with the joys of pregnancy settling in, I'm getting exhausted easier. My boss and I had a talk today about the assistant manager spot and decided to give it to Kirk again. As soon as that goes into effect, I need to hire another person.

My worries on everything are causing me to feel ill and restless. I know beyond the gray clouds and the rain, the sun is going to come shining through eventually.

I need a soda right now, and egg drop soup, mmm.

U Think U Fresh Shit Nigga I'm Ripe

ahh Lil' Wayne, you used to be so great, why have you resorted to moaning in the Autotune lately? John and I both agreed that his old stuff was worth listening to. His recent stuff makes me want to slit my wrists. Speaking of slitting wrists, I was jamming out to As I Lay Dying's "Through Struggle" and Through the Eyes of the Dead's "Truest Shade of Crimson" while John was preparing us some crepes. He loved it. He asked if I even knew what they said, I mean As I Lay Dying's songs are a little more easy to understand, well kinda, and aren't so brutal. I had to look up Through the Eyes of the Dead's songs, and they are about choking people and stuff. Regardless, they have sick breakdowns. And why am I continuing to ramble about this nonsense? I don't know, but it brought me back to when I went through my little hardcore phase, and I enjoyed it.

I've made dinner 3 nights in a row and I am so proud of myself. Tuesday I made chicken chow mein, Wednesday I made steak, mashed potatoes [and no not the instant kind], and corn, and today I made chicken and steak fajitas with all of the toppings you can imagine, spanish rice, and beans. I am on a roll. I think that's why I chose that title for my blog. My dinner streak has made me feel like that.

I just have to get through work tomorrow and then Saturday is beach with John and my family, and probably Ashleigh and Scott too. Expect tons of pictures.

I need a new assistant manager at work, the choosing beings..

That's one bad ass dog!

Just got the internet back [John ordered that FIOS thing] but I honestly didn't miss it too much. I've been walking a lot lately, partially because everything is within walking distance. Grocery shopping, the mall, harbor park area, etc. We even road bikes to Colley to get icecream! John is doing his best to keep me active, since that's what the doctor said. Honestly, I feel a lot of symptoms of pregnancy are straight up myths. I've talked to a lot of people and no one has seemed to experience what your expected to have. Example, morning sickness, not necessarily a myth, but not everyone gets it. I surely haven't had it. Example 2, cravings, yeah I'm hungry a lot more, but I haven't been like 'oh my god I HAVE to have this specific food item'. Example 3, Excessive sleeping, I used to be able to sleep whenever and wherever, now I can't make it halfway through the night without waking up. Example 4, becoming more of a bitch, FALSE FALSE FALSE, I'm still my same happy self. I think that some girls just use it as an excuse to bitch about not being able to do anything. When actually my doctor gave me the okay to still lift my normal 25 lbs required for work and such all the way through my pregnancy. Just as long as I do not strain myself.

This will be my only entry where I blab about pregnancy really, except for when I find out what it is, and when I'm at my fattest I'll post a pic or something. I just don't really like the topic, I always hated when my mother talked about being pregnant with me, it makes me feel uncomfortable, not to mention I'm scared shitless or labor. I'm excited about John and my kid, but having to pop it out scares me.

4th of July was nice, we went to harbor fest and at our hearts out and watched people yell at those overly religious dudes who claim everyone but themselves are going to hell. Seriously guys?

My family came back from Okinawa this past monday, I was so excited to see them. I hadn't seen them in 2 whole freaking years. It was the best feeling in the world to see them.

John's family is in Florida right now. And his uncle is being a douche to them, I want to go there and rescue them, but unfortunately I can't take the time off work and I don't have that much money for fork on gas.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I'm done for now.