50/50

it's been on my mind the past few days, a decision we made;
something that would change my life; that could be portrayed as both good and bad.
i'm not too worried about the possible outcome, but then i am.
as long as i have him;

some people lack confidence in me with john and i's relationship.
they say to him; "you guys won't last a week" or "she'll get bored with you soon"
i can see why some say it, because my past relationships never lasted.
either guys just wanted sex, or kept me hidden, or lost interest.
and i felt uncomfortable with the fact that it was always just physical so i would just break up with them, or i'd get upset at the fact that we had a "secret" relationship so i felt as if they were embarrassed of me.
or my last relationship i was restricted, i couldn't really talk to anyone and i never did anything right. and dealt with that off and on for a year.
yeah, i've had make-out buddies here and there, they usually lead me on.
and the people who are currently saying these things about me have only known me for a few months, don't even know any of my ex's or ex flings, and just make assumptions of some of my actions a few months ago.

the thing is, john is nothing like any of the other guys i've ever been with or tried to be with. he shows me affection in public, but not so much to where we look like we're obsessed freaks. he's open with his feelings and expresses constantly how much he likes me, being physical isn't the most important thing to him, but he makes me feel good about myself. he likes doing some of the random/stupid things that i enjoy with me. i don't know how else to express myself currently, i feel like it's still semi early, but i feel like this will be one of the first one to really work out. i feel like he's for me, and i don't ever wanna mess this one up.