10.28.2008
10.27.2008
10.26.2008
stay positive, stay positive
could i possibly sum up my past week in an entry that's not too long for the eye? yes.
wednesday morning, i got a call from the police while i was at work stating my mother attempted suicide and had stabbed herself in the chest. John and Teagan and Bo showed they really cared the most. she was released later than day, i'm not sure why. the whole time at the hospital she blamed her boyfriend and me, that that's why she did it. because i hit her and shoved her against the wall the night before, she made me snap, my own mother had been stealing my money for god knows how long. she said i damaged her, but she damaged me too. my dad will be coming back from japan soon and i will be moving in with him as soon as he does until John comes back in august. then i'm moving out with him. i have a lot of apologizing to do to Teagan, after i left the hospital i was in no mood to talk, but neglected to inform her with anything. and it upset her and i'm pretty sure i lost her friendship. but i need to at least say i'm sorry.
florida is close, i'm ready to run out the door now and get away. especially from work. i'm ready to face my fear. i'm ready to ghost hunt. i'm waiting on some sweet shoes i ordered from ebay. some green metallic sheen high top reebok. [with the straps, hah] those will complete my uffie costume. which is pretty basic and simple, just a shirt thats a little, well more than a little revealing, shorts, shoes, chains, makeup, etc. i'm stoked.
mhmm.
wednesday morning, i got a call from the police while i was at work stating my mother attempted suicide and had stabbed herself in the chest. John and Teagan and Bo showed they really cared the most. she was released later than day, i'm not sure why. the whole time at the hospital she blamed her boyfriend and me, that that's why she did it. because i hit her and shoved her against the wall the night before, she made me snap, my own mother had been stealing my money for god knows how long. she said i damaged her, but she damaged me too. my dad will be coming back from japan soon and i will be moving in with him as soon as he does until John comes back in august. then i'm moving out with him. i have a lot of apologizing to do to Teagan, after i left the hospital i was in no mood to talk, but neglected to inform her with anything. and it upset her and i'm pretty sure i lost her friendship. but i need to at least say i'm sorry.
florida is close, i'm ready to run out the door now and get away. especially from work. i'm ready to face my fear. i'm ready to ghost hunt. i'm waiting on some sweet shoes i ordered from ebay. some green metallic sheen high top reebok. [with the straps, hah] those will complete my uffie costume. which is pretty basic and simple, just a shirt thats a little, well more than a little revealing, shorts, shoes, chains, makeup, etc. i'm stoked.
mhmm.
10.20.2008
jack, i'll miss you.
you were seriously like my grandpa, part of my "starbucks family"
i will miss you coming in 3 times a day calling me "trouble" and preaching to me about jesus.
i love you jack attack.
his memorial service was today, it was quite sad, but comforting.
lenny and i went together for 20 minutes, because i had to go back to work,
but i felt i had to pay my respects.
i didn't think i'd be so upset over this, but i am.
10.16.2008
like mother, like daughters;
i love frostysss
mylee loves frostysss
kitty loves frostysss
we all love frostys!!!!
10.15.2008
10.14.2008
Test Results; Negative -
The past few days I've done nothing but work. Close down shop, open up shop, work 10 hours a day, sometimes without a break, do a shit load of paper work, train ignorant people, etc. And it boggles my mind that this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I'm 21 and never really have time for much because of my job and my "responsibility" because I'm a department head, and on my days off I have at least call to check up on the place to make sure everything is under control. I can only imagine how much worse it'll get from here, and how much more worn out I'll be.
I can't wait until Florida. I think about it constantly. I think of how much fun we're going to have and how nice it'll be to get away from everything. The only thing that will be sad is that my Mylee can't come along. I'll buy her and the cat something, hah.
Halloween is coming along and John and I still have no clue what to be or what we're doing.
Suggestions?
This makes me giggle. At least they tried.
I can't wait until Florida. I think about it constantly. I think of how much fun we're going to have and how nice it'll be to get away from everything. The only thing that will be sad is that my Mylee can't come along. I'll buy her and the cat something, hah.
Halloween is coming along and John and I still have no clue what to be or what we're doing.
Suggestions?
This makes me giggle. At least they tried.
10.12.2008
Da Happiest Wittle Girl in the World
Nothing can get me down at this point, because my daddy wrote me back! I haven't heard from him in about 5 months, and to wake up this morning and see an e-mail from him made me feel so happy inside. To know that everyone was doing okay and that they don't hate me took a load off of my chest. I love my daddy so much and I can't wait until he and the rest of my family comes back from Okinawa.
Also, planning this Florida trip gets more and more exciting each minute. I think it'll be an awesome experience for John and I, that and the fact I'm going to face my fear as well is even more awesome. Still the thought of seeing an actual Killer Whale gives me the "willies" down my back and makes me queasy to my stomach. 1 month!!!
Only one thing to complain about honestly, today a customer came in and ordered a Tall Vanilla Nonfat 180* Latte. So i rang her up and such and she made sure I was going to use the regular vanilla and not the sugar free, which didn't bother me. BUT, once i was done she asked "Is this 180*?" when she could clearly see that the thermometer did confirm that. And because I steamed her nonfat milk in the half and half pitcher she had to spark an attitude and say, "I really hope you didn't just use half and half in that." I said "No ma'am, it's nonfat like you asked. I just don't pay any mind to the pitchers especially when I'm the only one working because I won't mix it up." I mean c'mon lady, I've been doing this for over 3 years, and she knew it because she's a semi-regular customer. I think I know how to make a drink, Thanks!
And here's my beautiful puppy, Mylee. She turns 1 soon!
Also, planning this Florida trip gets more and more exciting each minute. I think it'll be an awesome experience for John and I, that and the fact I'm going to face my fear as well is even more awesome. Still the thought of seeing an actual Killer Whale gives me the "willies" down my back and makes me queasy to my stomach. 1 month!!!
Only one thing to complain about honestly, today a customer came in and ordered a Tall Vanilla Nonfat 180* Latte. So i rang her up and such and she made sure I was going to use the regular vanilla and not the sugar free, which didn't bother me. BUT, once i was done she asked "Is this 180*?" when she could clearly see that the thermometer did confirm that. And because I steamed her nonfat milk in the half and half pitcher she had to spark an attitude and say, "I really hope you didn't just use half and half in that." I said "No ma'am, it's nonfat like you asked. I just don't pay any mind to the pitchers especially when I'm the only one working because I won't mix it up." I mean c'mon lady, I've been doing this for over 3 years, and she knew it because she's a semi-regular customer. I think I know how to make a drink, Thanks!
And here's my beautiful puppy, Mylee. She turns 1 soon!
10.10.2008
"oh now baby, don't miss read the signs"
i took this with my phone, i can't stop staring at it.
it's almost like one of those celeb wallpapers you have to pay for to download.
mmm.
and yet, for some reason this boy thinks i don't care for him as much as he does for me.
which i think is quite silly, if you ask me. i feel i show it. granted, maybe not to the fullest, but i show it.
i mean, i'm not one of those girls who showers her myspace in photos of the two of us, i'm not in this to make other people jealous.
you said, "with all the crazy stuff going on last night, it was if you didn't care"
i'm not one of the girls that if another girl is hitting him with pillows in a rage right in front of me, that i'll get pissed off and do something about it, it's just not me.
maybe i'm not used to the way you treat me, being treated like a girl should be treated, and i just don't know how to act towards it.
i'm used to getting let down, my feelings hurt, and just being used as a "trophy";
but you, you don't do that.
please get this out of your head that i don't care for you, because i can assure you that you're the only guy running through my head.
it's almost like one of those celeb wallpapers you have to pay for to download.
mmm.
and yet, for some reason this boy thinks i don't care for him as much as he does for me.
which i think is quite silly, if you ask me. i feel i show it. granted, maybe not to the fullest, but i show it.
i mean, i'm not one of those girls who showers her myspace in photos of the two of us, i'm not in this to make other people jealous.
you said, "with all the crazy stuff going on last night, it was if you didn't care"
i'm not one of the girls that if another girl is hitting him with pillows in a rage right in front of me, that i'll get pissed off and do something about it, it's just not me.
maybe i'm not used to the way you treat me, being treated like a girl should be treated, and i just don't know how to act towards it.
i'm used to getting let down, my feelings hurt, and just being used as a "trophy";
but you, you don't do that.
please get this out of your head that i don't care for you, because i can assure you that you're the only guy running through my head.
10.09.2008
10.07.2008
"you can't survive on icecream"
places i'd like to visit;;
Okinawa to see my dad, step mom, brothers, and sister
England to see Natalie and her baby boy, Landen
Paris to Tecktonik, sight see, and meet VaVan
St Augustine Light House to ghost hunt
Sea World Florida to face my fear of killer whales
Hopefully I'll be doing two of the above next month with John.
[St Augustine + Sea World] Partially because they're both in Florida.
He's amazing for wanting to do this with me, I've been wanting to for so long.
Okinawa to see my dad, step mom, brothers, and sister
England to see Natalie and her baby boy, Landen
Paris to Tecktonik, sight see, and meet VaVan
St Augustine Light House to ghost hunt
Sea World Florida to face my fear of killer whales
Hopefully I'll be doing two of the above next month with John.
[St Augustine + Sea World] Partially because they're both in Florida.
He's amazing for wanting to do this with me, I've been wanting to for so long.
10.05.2008
50/50
it's been on my mind the past few days, a decision we made;
something that would change my life; that could be portrayed as both good and bad.
i'm not too worried about the possible outcome, but then i am.
as long as i have him;
some people lack confidence in me with john and i's relationship.
they say to him; "you guys won't last a week" or "she'll get bored with you soon"
i can see why some say it, because my past relationships never lasted.
either guys just wanted sex, or kept me hidden, or lost interest.
and i felt uncomfortable with the fact that it was always just physical so i would just break up with them, or i'd get upset at the fact that we had a "secret" relationship so i felt as if they were embarrassed of me.
or my last relationship i was restricted, i couldn't really talk to anyone and i never did anything right. and dealt with that off and on for a year.
yeah, i've had make-out buddies here and there, they usually lead me on.
and the people who are currently saying these things about me have only known me for a few months, don't even know any of my ex's or ex flings, and just make assumptions of some of my actions a few months ago.
the thing is, john is nothing like any of the other guys i've ever been with or tried to be with. he shows me affection in public, but not so much to where we look like we're obsessed freaks. he's open with his feelings and expresses constantly how much he likes me, being physical isn't the most important thing to him, but he makes me feel good about myself. he likes doing some of the random/stupid things that i enjoy with me. i don't know how else to express myself currently, i feel like it's still semi early, but i feel like this will be one of the first one to really work out. i feel like he's for me, and i don't ever wanna mess this one up.
something that would change my life; that could be portrayed as both good and bad.
i'm not too worried about the possible outcome, but then i am.
as long as i have him;
some people lack confidence in me with john and i's relationship.
they say to him; "you guys won't last a week" or "she'll get bored with you soon"
i can see why some say it, because my past relationships never lasted.
either guys just wanted sex, or kept me hidden, or lost interest.
and i felt uncomfortable with the fact that it was always just physical so i would just break up with them, or i'd get upset at the fact that we had a "secret" relationship so i felt as if they were embarrassed of me.
or my last relationship i was restricted, i couldn't really talk to anyone and i never did anything right. and dealt with that off and on for a year.
yeah, i've had make-out buddies here and there, they usually lead me on.
and the people who are currently saying these things about me have only known me for a few months, don't even know any of my ex's or ex flings, and just make assumptions of some of my actions a few months ago.
the thing is, john is nothing like any of the other guys i've ever been with or tried to be with. he shows me affection in public, but not so much to where we look like we're obsessed freaks. he's open with his feelings and expresses constantly how much he likes me, being physical isn't the most important thing to him, but he makes me feel good about myself. he likes doing some of the random/stupid things that i enjoy with me. i don't know how else to express myself currently, i feel like it's still semi early, but i feel like this will be one of the first one to really work out. i feel like he's for me, and i don't ever wanna mess this one up.
10.02.2008
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