RACKS

Adler's 1st Birthday Party!

2011-01-24T18:07:00.001-05:00

2010-09-09T19:28:00.002-04:00

After months of forgetting I ever had this, I rediscovered it and felt an update was necessary. I feel like I have pressed the fast forward button on life itself (not saying it is a bad thing). Adler, my son, is now seven months old. Watching him grow has been an amazing adventure, and it is hard to believe he was once smaller than Mylee. Being a mother is slightly what I expected, but more of what I did not expect. Many tried to prepare me, I think for the worst, but it is not as expensive as most say and I feel that bringing home a baby and caring for him has been a breeze. Perhaps I am just blessed with an easy, happy baby? The most he ever fusses is when I miss a hungry, sleepy, or full diaper cue from him. I feel safe to say that by now I am close to pro on noticing his small signs.

John just recently started school at ECPI. I rarely see him as much as I have been, he works a full time job and goes straight to school after. By the time he gets home, my eyes have already collected dust from the sandman. He has weekends off, but with me being full time in a retail position, I am usually working weekends. Getting a consistent day off with him has been difficult. Yes, I am the manager at my job and I make the schedule, but my staff does not have great availability on the weekends. John's schooling is not very long and will pay off when he is finished, however. He is guaranteed to get a great job and by then I can switch to being a stay at home to take care of our son.

I've rarely been going out or hanging out, I need to, but I usually am so exhausted that I just don't feel like it. Although, I may go crazy soon if I don't plan a night out for John and myself soon. Three Amigos every Friday does not count.

I will try to make an effort with this thing more often, as I have nothing better else to do in between Adler's bedtime and mine.

2010-02-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

need i say more?

2010-01-01T20:54:00.002-05:00

It's so weird to call John my husband now, but I love it! We got married yesterday afternoon and I have to say New Years Eve was the perfect day for it. I'm planning on having the "make-up" wedding during the summer for everyone to come and celebrate, once my tummy is back to it's normal flat state. Crazy to think I only have 4 weeks left until I pop this little one out. I can't wait to see what he looks like. His room is mostly set up, I have to rearrange a few things and put together the swing and such, but man am I ever ready. Life is just too good now.

Speaking of babies, my friend Hannah had her baby sometime between 4 and 5 p.m. and he is definitely the cutest little thing I have ever seen! Congrats to Hannah!

I found out at the beginning of December, right after my family baby shower, that my step mom has cancer. She wasn't doing good for awhile, bad reactions to the chemo and such and she ended up being hospitalized for awhile. She was able to come home on Christmas and seems to be doing a lot better. I'm so glad. I thank God that she is gaining strength back.

2009-09-04T20:27:00.002-04:00

I may be the happiest fish in the pond, why you ask? I got a new car! Finally! After almost a month of waiting patience paid off. I purchased a 2006 Scion XB. I get to pick it up tomorrow after work! My monthly payment barely changed from my Jetta and my insurance only went up $30 a month. I'm stoked. On top of this, John and I find out what we're having on Wednesday. Everything is working out once again, I knew being patient with my car being flooded and keeping my cool at work would pay off. Thank you God!!!!

2009-08-14T17:13:00.003-04:00

It looks like I'll be in store for a new car here soon after all, thanks to the huge rain storm the other day, and thanks to flood insurance. Wednesday evening, someone knocked on our door and said my car was under water, and they weren't joking. I kick myself in the knee for not grabbing my camera to take a picture, but oh well. The water was up to my seats, so the computer got saturated along with the rest of the electrical stuff, and who knows what got messed up under the hood. Blah blah blah and so on.. I called insurance and had it towed to Greenbrier Volkswagen yesterday, and early this morning they called and said "yeah, you definitely need to call your insurance company for this." I'll find out at the latest Wednesday if my car will be repaired or totaled, but by the way the dealership sounded, I'm thinking totaled. And that means new car for Rachel. Unfortunately John has to bring me to work until then, and his luck I'm working 530am every day. Not to mention 2am on Sunday. God works in mysterious ways though, let me tell you. Since my mom couldn't buy my car I've been trying to figure out how to trade the Jetta in for a different car without getting too screwed with my negative equity. The funny thing is, I hung out with my mom on Wednesday before the rain and everything, and told her I needed to clean the car and just go trade it in no matter what. Little did i know that later that evening the water would clean it out for me [although it smells bad now], and that the water would do enough damage to get my car fixed or help me get a new one. Thank you God!

2009-07-30T13:58:00.002-04:00

It is an uneasy thought to realize I really have no one to choose as bridesmaids. I have no best friend and no one I talk to on a regular basis at all. It's mainly my fault because I seclude myself in the comfort of my own place with my animals. They are true friends when you think about it. I want a best friend. Unfortunately, with some of my old ones, we dislike each other for reasons I can't remember now, and I have little desire to go out and meet new people. I honestly should not be complaining.

What I will complain about is; summer! I'm so ready for fall/winter. This summer has been way too hot, another reason I'd rather stay indoors, and enjoy the a.c. I cannot wait to bundle up in sweaters, tights, and boots. Even though I'll be rather big by the time those seasons get here, but I think the only weight I'll gain will be just in my tummy. This summer made me appreciate cool weather and I can't wait for it! Maybe by then I won't be as much of a homebody and have friends. Woo hoo, be optimistic.

2009-07-27T16:44:00.002-04:00

There are so many things going through my head at the moment, so many things.

We have less than 8 weeks to plan this wedding, and it all boils down to money, which we don't have for the type of wedding his parents want and expect. I feel like it's the most expensive route, but hey, it's all about everyone else being happy isn't it? It sucks because aside from my regular bills, I had to fork out $600 to pay my property taxes. [I didn't realize I did not pay for last years, oops] Next money I want to pay off my credit card which is a whopping $500 to clear it. [No it wasn't impulsive buying on it, strictly for apartment stuff honestly] With those recent debts haunting me, I really have no money to spare by the time we get married and neither will John really. This is where we have to put our heads together and decide what is best for us.

Work isn't helping with my stress either. Ever since they snatched Betty from me without notice, I'm left with 4 people on staff [including myself], leaving us having to work at least one day a week by ourselves without a break. I know, it's illegal but unavoidable. Starting Saturday, I'll be down a person because one is leaving for 16 days on vacation. So after my day off this Wednesday, I'll be working 20 days straight if not more until I see my next day off. And with the joys of pregnancy settling in, I'm getting exhausted easier. My boss and I had a talk today about the assistant manager spot and decided to give it to Kirk again. As soon as that goes into effect, I need to hire another person.

My worries on everything are causing me to feel ill and restless. I know beyond the gray clouds and the rain, the sun is going to come shining through eventually.

I need a soda right now, and egg drop soup, mmm.

U Think U Fresh Shit Nigga I'm Ripe

2009-07-09T20:42:00.004-04:00

ahh Lil' Wayne, you used to be so great, why have you resorted to moaning in the Autotune lately? John and I both agreed that his old stuff was worth listening to. His recent stuff makes me want to slit my wrists. Speaking of slitting wrists, I was jamming out to As I Lay Dying's "Through Struggle" and Through the Eyes of the Dead's "Truest Shade of Crimson" while John was preparing us some crepes. He loved it. He asked if I even knew what they said, I mean As I Lay Dying's songs are a little more easy to understand, well kinda, and aren't so brutal. I had to look up Through the Eyes of the Dead's songs, and they are about choking people and stuff. Regardless, they have sick breakdowns. And why am I continuing to ramble about this nonsense? I don't know, but it brought me back to when I went through my little hardcore phase, and I enjoyed it.

I've made dinner 3 nights in a row and I am so proud of myself. Tuesday I made chicken chow mein, Wednesday I made steak, mashed potatoes [and no not the instant kind], and corn, and today I made chicken and steak fajitas with all of the toppings you can imagine, spanish rice, and beans. I am on a roll. I think that's why I chose that title for my blog. My dinner streak has made me feel like that.

I just have to get through work tomorrow and then Saturday is beach with John and my family, and probably Ashleigh and Scott too. Expect tons of pictures.

I need a new assistant manager at work, the choosing beings..

2009-07-08T18:48:00.002-04:00

That's one bad ass dog!

Just got the internet back [John ordered that FIOS thing] but I honestly didn't miss it too much. I've been walking a lot lately, partially because everything is within walking distance. Grocery shopping, the mall, harbor park area, etc. We even road bikes to Colley to get icecream! John is doing his best to keep me active, since that's what the doctor said. Honestly, I feel a lot of symptoms of pregnancy are straight up myths. I've talked to a lot of people and no one has seemed to experience what your expected to have. Example, morning sickness, not necessarily a myth, but not everyone gets it. I surely haven't had it. Example 2, cravings, yeah I'm hungry a lot more, but I haven't been like 'oh my god I HAVE to have this specific food item'. Example 3, Excessive sleeping, I used to be able to sleep whenever and wherever, now I can't make it halfway through the night without waking up. Example 4, becoming more of a bitch, FALSE FALSE FALSE, I'm still my same happy self. I think that some girls just use it as an excuse to bitch about not being able to do anything. When actually my doctor gave me the okay to still lift my normal 25 lbs required for work and such all the way through my pregnancy. Just as long as I do not strain myself.

This will be my only entry where I blab about pregnancy really, except for when I find out what it is, and when I'm at my fattest I'll post a pic or something. I just don't really like the topic, I always hated when my mother talked about being pregnant with me, it makes me feel uncomfortable, not to mention I'm scared shitless or labor. I'm excited about John and my kid, but having to pop it out scares me.

4th of July was nice, we went to harbor fest and at our hearts out and watched people yell at those overly religious dudes who claim everyone but themselves are going to hell. Seriously guys?

My family came back from Okinawa this past monday, I was so excited to see them. I hadn't seen them in 2 whole freaking years. It was the best feeling in the world to see them.

John's family is in Florida right now. And his uncle is being a douche to them, I want to go there and rescue them, but unfortunately I can't take the time off work and I don't have that much money for fork on gas.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I'm done for now.

2009-06-22T11:33:00.002-04:00

oh hayy there little bean.

I had my first ultrasound today and the lady who did it was super nice. She's not my doctor though. I got to hear it's heartbeat and see it and she printed off 2 pictures for me to show John. I think he would have murdered me if I didn't bring home the pictures so he could see them when he gets home this evening.

Yesterday we talked to his parents, and suprisingly it went very well. We told mine right away, but put his off because we know their opinions are different. They were just upset because they had to hear it from his ex-significant other. And were upset with me because I didn't keep my promise like she did, butttt I opened my mouth a little to much that concluded she never kept a promise either. I mean, you do what you gotta do these days.

So now the wedding is in action and getting planned. His mom told me she wants to make this a wedding I'll never forget, I'm really excited. It will probably happen within the next 2 months, because I will start showing then, and I'd like to look half-way decent in a dress. John is excited about the baby now, and to start our life. He said we were basically "married" we just have different last names right now, which honestly is the truth. We've had a smooth sailing relationship the past 9 months, I won't lie we've argued some, but only because I don't talk or express my feelings too much, but other than that, smoooth sailing.

Starving! Fin..

2009-06-18T15:21:00.002-04:00

My last name will be changing soon, why? because John proposed to me. I'm so excited. He wrote a note and put it under Mylee's collar and sent her down when I was coming up the stairs. I ruined it though because I just giggled and kept walking up and handed him my groceries at the top of the stairs. I ended up reading the note and laughing at her face, and he put the ring on my finger. Wow. It's a nice ring, with a tiny diamond inside the ring, plain and simple.

I'm still a little stunned, although his mother semi-gave it away this past weekend. But that's okay.

mmm.

2009-06-15T07:59:00.003-04:00

John is officially moved in now, and the apartment looks very liveable. I'm so excited. He really needs to change Kenya's litterbox, since I technically can't touch it for awhile. Mylee is such a happy puppy, I know she feels like this is her place. We have a new goldfish, or should I say koi fish. Yes, a koi fish, John's idea that I wasn't too thrilled about, but whatever. He's gonna donate it to Pagoda when it gets too big. Poor little altaire, he's not gonna know what to do. My boobs are getting rather large. I don't know if I'm going to be able to find a bra my size in the next few months at this rate. Right now I wear a 32 D, and they're starting to bulge out. Curse this!!!!!! The constant peeing and hunger pains are getting way old now. I'm having trouble sleeping at night too, which has never ben a problem before. I could go to bed at 8pm and sleep like a bear until 430am for work. Now, heavens I'm lucky if i make it to midnight without staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. I am excited though, very excited, and curious. Kelly and I are gonna be so cute. John has a job interview today. I hope he gets it, so he can get rid of Olive Garden and Pier One, and work one stable job, with close or equal to my income. Mmm. I love him.

2009-06-12T14:02:00.002-04:00

i feel like i just hit the >> button.

but, i'm optimistic,

the upcoming months are going to be amazing.

First Glimpse

2009-06-06T20:16:00.002-04:00

I figured I'd snap a few for everyone to see. The "kids" love it, as you can tell by the picture. The bedroom is still a work in progress. John still needs to move his bed, dresser, bookshelf, dj stuff, microwave, toaster, tv, dvd player, clothes, and himself down. He had to drive back up to Richmond today for work, so I just went to the mall and the dollar store to finish off some shopping. I'm kinda lonely right now. John has like 2 more weeks until he can move in, hopefully less.

mmm, I love you John!

"Heyyy Everybody! Today's the BIG DAY!"

2009-06-03T17:39:00.004-04:00

- Bruce from family guy; episode Stewie kills Louis

But seriously, today is the big day! I am officially moved into my new apartment. I spent most of my life today moving crap up 3 floors and also in walmart today with John picking out things we need and food. I pulled my back yesterday at work and had to go to patient first to get checked out and I'm not supposed to be lifting, buttttt I had to get my furniture up! Tomorrow we pick up my couch, dresser, and dining set. I'm so happy.

Mylee and Kenya are going to become best pals, I just know it!

To my surprise, there are other people who are unexplainably afraid of killer whales just like I am. I was very bored and curiosity overcame and I decided to search and see if anyone else is afraid or them. Oh I feel so much better now, at least some one in the world can understand it.

Speaking of whales, I'm planning on getting more on my whale sooner than later. mmm!

Time for tacobell and then some late night lovin'. =]

2009-06-01T16:11:00.003-04:00

Jury duty was a waste of 3 hours of my life. I didn't even get picked for a trial, which I am thankful for, but I had to just sit there for no reason in the holding room. At least I'm getting paid $30 for nothing. Hopefully the next 4 Monday's I either don't get called, or get paid $30 for nothing again.

I want a tri fold beach chair really really really bad. I may check one of the cheap places first, like Kmart or something. I also want a strapless swimsuit top with upderwire support. I've been a fan of the strapless look, but I would like one that can hold my puppies up. I've always tried to make them look smaller, especially in swimsuits, but this year I'm ready to embrace them.

Time is going by way too fast right now. I would like it to slow down just for a moment. All I have left to do is clean the carpet, and clean the kitchen and entrance floor. I'm thinking about doing this tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest. I need to check on something that is a little past due. Thursday I just want to lay back and relax with John, and Friday, after all is said and done, I want to beach it and then go out and celebrate.

Mylee is getting to be a chunky monkey.

2009-05-29T17:42:00.003-04:00

ONE MORE WEEK.. and counting.

yesterday was mine and john's 8 monthooo. john came down for the day basically. i had to work unfortunately, but afterwards he treated me to chili's and i had a cajun chicken sandwich with jalapeno pepper jack cheese with all the spicyness my heart desired. mmm. i love spicy food! my tummy was so full, and john had to leave because he was djing at a club in richmond, so i took myself a looong nap until work the next morning, lol. almost 12 hours.

i want 3 amigos badly right now. free chips + cheese dip + nachos with chicken and beans = tummy love. i've been eating like a fat ass. the other day i had a whole large papa john's pizza with onions, tomatoes, and green peppers plus a 2 liter sprite all to myself.

john is watching my little kenya for me until next week. and i miss her. and he likes to rub in my face that he has her while we video chat, like this...

i hate you john =]

2009-05-26T15:08:00.006-04:00

today consisted of scrubbing at work. i smell like bleach and it makes me sneeze. the rest of today will consist of scrubbing my bathroom and washing ALL of my clothes and packing most of them up. tomorrow/thursday i plan on moving my coffee table, end table, tv stand, and dinning set to my mom's to store until i move next week. friday i will most likely rent the rug doctor from my work and clean the carpet in my room. and probably sweep and mop the kitchen and walk in area. a lot of cleaning to do!

here's my soon to be home-sweet-home:

[it was kinda hard to get good pics of some of the spots because of walls and such]

living room

dinning room

hallway

bedroom 1

bedroom 2

kitchen left side

kitchen right side

bathroom

yayyyy.

2009-05-24T11:09:00.007-04:00

thursday was beach day with the doggies.

saturday was introducing the new addition to john and mylee.

gotta get through this week, next week is vacation in richmond and then moving out, and the week after next is selling my car to my mom and getting a new one! so much to look forward to.

2009-05-19T16:16:00.003-04:00

rest in peace Dolla. i had and still have no clue who you are, but i read the featured news on yahoo.com and it is a shame. a damn shame.

june 5th is my exact move date. i'm excited. i'll be living solo for about 2 weeks, unless john can sell his place sooner. but i don't mind, that means i can decorate the place to my liking. muah hahaha. [evil laugh, duh] i've gotten rid of a lot of clothes, furniture, etc. all i'm taking with me is my dresser, coffee table, and end table. i'm planning on buying a new couch. and john is supplying the bed. i'll just sleep on the couch until he gets there. i'm debating on selling my dining set, and getting a round table with leaves so we can drop those down when it's just him and i. to save space. i don't know, i think i will.

many of my customers have been extremely helpful to me with advice, tagging along with me to mylee's surgery, and helping negotiate at the car dealer; but now one has even gone to the length of wanting to give me money to help with my first months rent. i have not even asked anyone for financial help at all, and i insisted she didn't need to, but she wants to. i feel awful, but thankful as well.

i finished painting my picture. not exactly how i wanted it. well the main part of it is, but its too simple, but then again that's what i wanted. i think it's because i planned it black and white, but i didn't have black! ugh. so i did it yellow and purple. lol. maybe i'll get another canvas and black paint and do it over later. idk, it may grow on me.

excited on the wave tomorrow, but boy do i miss jamal. dancing isn't the same without him.

2009-05-17T17:01:00.004-04:00

it's taken me since christmas to figure out what i wanted to paint on the canvas john got me, and now i finally know what i want to do. i think i want to draw an outline in my composition notebook first, and then paint it with a little detail. not too much because i want it simple. black, white, gray. it will be sweet.

and i figured out what i want to add to my whale, i just need to find somewhere to go to get it done. or i can wait until this customer of mine comes back in september.

i need to start packing and cleaning. and finish selling off my furniture to rack up some money. all i have left to sell really is this sweet pose pink vintage looking couch and a light green and a brown matching chair. a few are interested on craigslist, but the rain is holding them from coming asap.

i've never felt so pressed.

i got my evaluation done today. hopefully my raise will kick in soon, i get some back pay because it was done almost a month late. i need all the money i can get.

i'm thinking about having an apartment warming party. i shouldn't even say party, more of a get together perhaps. not sure though.

2009-05-15T16:33:00.006-04:00

thank goodness julia got picture happy with my camera this past wednesday or else she wouldn't have caught my favorite picture ever! definitely my desktop background. mmm, i love that boy.

today john and i submitted our applications for this apartment off bute, and hopefully will here from them soon. i think we have a good chance at this one partially because the lady explained that it was going through renovation and she was just showing it to give us an idea of what the original place we applied for looked like. [which wouldn't be available until july] and when we walked in she didn't expect the place to be done, so she asked if we'd be able to move in sooner and she just wouldn't put it for rent on the market. so i may be moving in about 3 weeks. so excited, but so much money to save.

i want to get a new cat, but not until we're settled in there. probably a month or so after we move in, when the stress from the move is over. i just don't think i'll ever find one like kitty. =[

ah, i'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELSEA AND COURTNEY!

2009-05-11T19:12:00.002-04:00

this is one of my past past friend's videos. and i can't stop laughing over it. and it inspired me to want to make my own. although i'm not sure i'll ever really get around to it.

got me a couch and 2 chairs. my living room set is almost complete.

i've been considering the pale look this summer. after miss betty was showing me these skin spots she had to freeze or else they'd turn into cancer. it was from burns and tans from when she was younger. we'll see how long i last on this.

i want some velveeta shells in cheese. i will be buying this in bulk when john and i move together. mmm.

2009-05-08T18:50:00.002-04:00

i am very unhappy at this point. as if so much could pile up on me at once. being i have to fine somewhere to move in less than 3 weeks or being that my car is still not in tip top shape and just needs to last a few more weeks until my mother buys it. yesterday i came home to find kitty dieing, and had to watch her suffer for a few hours. i gave her water, petted her, and just watched until she passed. that killed me. i feel like i just lost my child.

my last picture of her, rest in peace love.

i need to drink myself silly.

2009-05-04T21:08:00.002-04:00

Richmond's water suxxx. It makes me feel greasy, there was no need for conditioner in my hair this weekend. Nasty!

Altaire and Little J got their fishbowl cleaned this weekend. I thought Little J was going to die from excitement for a second there. Mylee is doing very well. Her boo boo is healing fast! She was loving up on her daddy a lot. I thought this spaying thing would have changed her a little, but NOPE, she's still a brat. Now I have to tend to my kitty, she hasn't been eating. I think she turned anorexic, it said on google.com that cats can. I guess I have to force feed her wet food. =[

YAY for animals, yeah you too John! =D

long entry: 2 topics

2009-05-02T19:40:00.004-04:00

there's always 2 sides to every story. and what i'm talking about in this entry is the reasoning to my mom and dads divorce. i never remember them together, and growing up it was normal for me to have my mom and then my dad and step mom. and for some reason, 22 years later, both sides speak out, when in all reality i could care less because it's done and over with. but the thing that troubles me with them coming out now about it, is that it semi-scares me for the future. both of their stories seem true. my moms is that my dad cheated on her and chose his mistress over her, my dads is that my mom was lazy, maxed out the credit card, etc. but both deny what he or she says about eachother.

and then i leave thinking: well who CAN you honestly trust these days, will this happen to me too, what would life be like if they never divorced. i honestly couldn't see my parents together anyway. but you look at todays marriages, and i haven't heard of many that last. kirk and abby's ended because of cheating, crystals and her husbands ended because he was a dick. it just worries me. i know myself personally will never cheat, i've had it done to me, and it hurt. i guess that's why john and i are doing well. he's had it done to him, worse than my situation was. and even though both of us know we'd never do it to each other, there's always that thought in the back of our heads.

john put things into perspective for me today over lunch at little mexico, which by the way was very good. i really need to get out of this "hermit" state of mine i'm in. i did it to protect myself in the past, because my past frankly has never really been good, and in some cases still it's a good thing. it made me look like the bigger person when i just walked away from things and showed that i could care less. but the fact that i've made my current life; work, sleep, eat, john, repeat, and have closed the doors to old and new friends is the bad part. i've had no desire to make friends or mend friendships and i've taken a liking to this life. but it's hurting john and it's becoming selfish of me.

our relationship is good, don't get me wrong. whether it be acting like kids in the shower together, laying in bed, watching him dj, playing with the animals, going to the wave, going to the mall, taking pictures, yada yada: it's always fantastic. but it's when i get around a group of people, i shut down, won't talk, would rather be in bed. it embarrasses john, and makes people wonder why he bothers. he says i've got the sexiness down and that our together time is good, but if i'd talk more and be more friendly, i'd be the ideal girl.

and when i think about it. maybe part of this ties with the first part of my entry. i hermit myself to protect myself, true. i don't want my life to end up like my mom and dads, true. i've got my trust issues because of my past, true. but i love john too much, and don't want this one minor thing of mine to mess up what we have..

so starting today i'm going to work on that.
and if i succeed, i deserve free 3 amigos whenever i want; kidding!
but it will break the ice on a lot of things.

i rambled a lot in this. ugh.

mylee after her surgery

2009-05-01T12:22:00.006-04:00

Bahaha! My poor baby on drugs after her surgery. The one with the cone is today, she's doing really good actually. She won't eat still but she'll drink water. Looking beyond her pain, I don't really see a change in her personality either. She's just slightly weak, but she still loves John more than me. Even though I'm the one that cries over her and yada yada.

We will be heading up to Richmond this evening to stay with "daddy" until Sunday since my car is fixed and all. It ened up just being a sensor that made everything wrong with my car. The transmission problems, engine problems, etc. Weird how it does that, but I don't care. Rather than me buying a new car and screwing myself, it was just about $200 almost to fix it. Yay.

So now that Mylee and my car are fixed, I just need to find a place to live for a few months, an apartment, and possibly a roommate.

2009-04-26T09:23:00.005-04:00

my dad fixed me breakfast this morning;
bacon eggs o.j. and bagels with cream cheese.
i run up stairs to check my e-mail and i hear my dad yell.
someone ate all the remaining bacon, and they left clues behind.
greasy clues.

Mylee! little brat!

My car is currently out of commission. Not totally out, but I'm scared to drive it. Mike [the security guard at the wave] is supposed to come by and check it out for me. Hopefully it's nothing too too serious.

I owe John about $300 for a new windshield, I won't get too much into it, but I'll just say I threw an unneccesary temper tantrum over a couch I wanted that got sold under my nose.. I'm so sorry John!!!!!!!

Paid off my best buy credit card off again though, feels good. I got one of my surfboards on craigslist, a couple of vintage cameras, prom dresses, my awesome hi-top reeboks that i never wore, and my childhood bookshelf to accumulate money for my car repairs.

Mylee got her shots yesterday, and no allergic reaction this time! They gave her benadryl before, and she slept all day yesterday with me. Her surgery is thursday, I'm still very nervous about that.

I'm going to go couch shopping with my dad maybe today. We will see.

......

2009-04-21T19:24:00.002-04:00

This Saturday I'll be getting Mylee updated on her shots at Care-A-Lot's Paws Clinic. A whopping $65 for the complete package, which is considerably cheaper than doing them separate. Her surgery is on the 30th. I'm SOOOO nervous, but the Norfolk SPCA Veterinary Clinic responded to my e-mail i sent post-scheduling her appointment and semi-comforted me. I also took off work the 30th-3rd to take care of my baby. I'll probably drive to Richmond while she's still groggy after her surgery and stay with John so she's not around Hurley and the cat. I want her to be as peaceful and happy so she can recover faster. I hope everything goes well. I cried all last night and this morning at work because I'm so worried..

On a happier note, I'm planning on moving out by July 1st. I think I have the place picked out; a nice 1 bedroom/1 bath condo in West Ghent. That way John will be happy in Norfolk and I will be happy near the 464 bypass to get to work quicker. I want to move in a month prior to John moving back that way it won't be so difficult to move both of us. I think I may call the place tomorrow since John will be here for the next 3.5 days so we can look at it.

I need to activate my credit card so I can purchase my sofa I want. It was originally on target.com for like $330, but the color I want [Slate gray] is out of stock and I think the shipping would be pricey. Now I found the same couch in black elsewhere for $398 and FREE SHIPPING! Oh yes. I'm also most likely purchasing an IKEA natural coffee table and end table for $30. I'm such a bargain queen. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL JULY!

I want to sit in a hot tub right about now.

I've spent $200 on ebay in the past month, NO MORE damnit.

okayyyy, Fin.

rainbow arabia

2009-04-17T20:14:00.003-04:00

i can't stop giggling over this.

i'm kinda heart broken over how depressed Mylee gets when John leaves, I mean seriously, I'm right here to play with her, and she doesn't care.

I won't lie, I slightly cried over it today. But It's okay, I comforted myself with more impulsive buys on ebay, damnit.

John is almost alllllll mine..................

2009-04-14T15:29:00.003-04:00

Mylee has been spending the past few days with her "daddy" in Richmond. I'm lost without my child, I'm kinda jealous of how much she loves him. He's bringing her home to me tomorrow, and depending on if she stops being a whore, she can stay home. If not, she's going back with him. Awe my puppyyy.

I can't wait for my new outfits and shoes to come in. Oh boy!

I am officially the "Craigslist Queen". In the past 2 weeks almost, I've made $105 dollars from selling my shyttt.

I disconnected my Verizon internet today, saving me $70 a month! Yesss! I never needed it in the first place, because my laptop has WiFi capability, and for some reason I just figured it out after paying that much per month for the past year and 3 months. Money down the drain.

Finally, 2 days off in a row to spend time with my John boy. Only took 7 straight days of work. Which is nothing compared to what I've worked in the past, but I've been used to my pattern of having weekends off or working 3 days having a day off and then working 2 and having another day off. Sleep in time.

John DJs for his second time at the wave tomorrow. Come on out and support him, although I think no one reads this so I may have just wasted my breath.

WACK.

2009-04-11T17:55:00.002-04:00

I am so sick of Mylee being in heat. It wasn't so bad when she first started, but near the end is when horomones kick in and this past week has been a 24/7 battle of keeping Hurley and her from "hooking up" so to speak. I do not want any grand children yet, nor do I want to risk loosing her like my dad lost Roxy.

I purchased a lot of stuff off ebay. I have a few more things that end in a day or two. It makes me want to go thrifting now to feel cheap again.

Today I purchased a dining set for John and I. Now we're completed with a bedroom set and a dining set. I may be purchasing a coffee table soon. EEEEEE! I'm so bummed because Urban Outfitters discontinued these branch curtain hooks I really wanted, but it's ok I already found something else even better. I'm sure John will like it.

I really love my job again, ever since Sam [our ex store director] got transfered off, I'm less stressed. Now we have a guy name Jeff who, oddly, looks almost exactly like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite, just minus the bald spot. He is awesome.

I could really go for some Schweppes ginger ale right now. [that isn't flat!]

I love you John Menard, ya hear me?

2009-04-07T20:17:00.004-04:00

killer whales fucking freak me out, they really do.

i just ordered two new pairs of shoes, they should be in soon. eeeeee!

i also applied for a navy fed credit card, hopefully i get approved. so i can purchase these 2 couches i want and pay them off before i move. which is in like 3.5 months. ahh so excited.

i think we've picked a place, or at least narrowed it down. we're going to call and set an appointment to check it out. the pool is what's selling me. and it's only 1095 a month, with a 200 deposit and a 100 pet fee.

my nails haven't broke on me yet. i'm surprised because usually they do at this length since i have my hands in water all day. i probably just jinxed myself..

i need to search for somewhere thats decently priced on tattoos since the guy who did my whale is taking a "long vacation" until next summer?! i was planning on getting more done to my whale before summer.

...i like how i'm spending after bill money before i've even made it...

my mother is buying my car from me by early june at the latest for what i owe on it.
meaning new car for rachel!!

i love life.

and john.

and my cat and dog.
and my fishes in rva.

[are they still alive john??]

mt.trashmore blows, but

2009-04-05T20:02:00.001-04:00

i love this boy, and his short short green swimming trunks.

2009-04-01T11:28:00.003-04:00

Oh, I freaked John out good this morning. I figured he wouldn't remember that today is April Fools. I sent him a nice little text stating I was pregnant, with a little story behind it to convince him. He called my work freaking out and since I wasn't there he figured I went home sick because of morning sickness. Ah, great! He then called my cell and I answered saying "April Fools!!" and I'm sure if he wasn't all the way in Richmond he would have bitched slapped me all the way to China. Not really, but I'm sure he would have been even more upset than he was.

Now I'm worried because he threatened to get me back. But he only has today to do it, if he wants to consider it a "fool" and being that I'm on the lookout now, I'm sure his plan will fall through.

I'm going to chow down on leftover Schezuan Beef. mmm.

ooh baby make your head blow off

2009-03-31T17:30:00.003-04:00

;; a phrase kirk wouldn't stop saying that has been stuck in my head for 2 days which i used on john, but i don't think he loved it. working with kirk was okay, customers were pleased to see two familiar faces they love at once. he updated me on his "hoes in different area codes" which is one subject that i have no respect for him with. and he gave his two cents on where to search to live in downtown if john and i choose to stay there. unfortunately those places are only cat friendly, where as i need them both cat and dog friendly.

john "spins" at the wave tomorrow with chris. on the main floor too, ohh hayy. which means i become his photographer.. if i can work the guts to bring my camera in. i mean howard tarpey and amy|delirious bring theres in with success. if not, i'll at least tote my coolpix.

i'm selling my car for what i owe on it to my mom. at the latest june, but hopefully earlier. i'm so excited. then i get a new car, and just in time to move out with john john. and i got another return check from federal because i overpaid. and kitty pooped out the string she ate, so now i don't have to worry about an expensive surgery. i think god is definitely looking out for me now. mmmm.

i want my kid to have a cool name,
i want it to be summer,
i could go for some 3 amigos right now.

man, i love john. he shows me more love than i can handle.

look at the resemblence

2009-03-26T16:52:00.005-04:00

HAHAH!

dog fight..

..sue me.

2009-03-25T05:02:00.001-04:00

i just love this photo.

22 on 22

2009-03-22T18:43:00.008-04:00

Being that my favorite number is 2, you'd think I'd be stoked on my age. Oddly enough, I do not like the sound of me saying "I'm 22" when being asked my age. It's so gross, it's definitely no turning back now.

But alas, John did make the best of my weekend. It consisted of photo shoots, food, fun, and great love making. Friday we ate Taco Bell and went to some park with Mylee. We went back to his place and I pretended to be a DJ. Late that night we went out to a Bagel place to dance, although no dancing happened because I'm Ms. I'm not drinking alcohol anymore. The first DJ was hilarious, though. Saturday we went to Short Pump to pick out a $100 outfit for John's job interview, very snazzy I must say. I gave John a haircut, and he approved. See you don't need to go to school to learn to cut hair [just like how he thinks about photography]. Then we had a picnic at a lake and fed the geese. Today, I woke up and John and I had ice cream cake for breakfast. Nothing can beat that. He got me the bathing suit I wanted but wouldn't buy because I didn't feel like spending a bazillion dollars on it. *THANKS BABE* Someone's going to be looking mighty good this summer. We took Mylee for a walk and then went to eat at Ginger. I Love John so much.

In a few I'm going to eat at 3 amigos with my dad. My most favorite place to eat ever. I wish John could be there. I can't wait to live with him.

PHOTOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ:

FIN!

2009-03-18T18:40:00.004-04:00

I can definitely see a picture like this happening at my wedding with Mylee. I'd have her be the flower girl and the cat be the ring bearer. Tell me you couldn't see it.

Never have I cared for chocolate ice cream too much until John bought Rocky Road and left it at my house. It'll be gone in a few days, I'm hooked, maybe it's the marshmallows, maybe it's the almonds, I don't know, but it's damn good.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over with. All I have to do is laundry and pack my suitcase, and then Friday morning I'm picking up my check [mainly for gas money] and Mylee and I are Richmond bound. John has me kind of excited. He has something planned supposively for my birthday, we'll see. I'm also eager to see what he got me, although I think I know what it is only because I sent him a message with what I wanted. He couldn't get me the other things I wanted because I got them. Hmmm.

and i'll leave you with this.

wtf?

2009-03-17T15:23:00.003-04:00

Oh the excitement just keeps building up more and more, I may explode because of it. I just stumbled across a place I really want to live. It's very affordable, pet friendly with a limit of 2 [which is perfect because most places only let 1 and I'm not getting rid of my kitty], it's in downtown [which John will love] and yet it's close to the 464/168 interchange [which I will love for my commute to work]. I sent John the page to check it out, hopefully he loves it as much as I do so I can call and make an appointment for a tour. On top of it all, they're town homes! Like mini houses! Ahh I just want to get my foot in the door for this now, so I know where I'm living in the next few months.

Now I just need to decide on the damn couch and dining set. Well I already know what dining set I want, but I need to know both so I can save my money up and order it!

My kitty is doing a lot better. That takes a lot off my chest. I was very worried about her, but being the great mother I am, I tended to her until she felt herself again. I love my animals.

I'm hanging out with Kelly today, this should be fun. I'm sure 3 amigos will be involved.

I predict great sex this weekend

2009-03-16T18:46:00.003-04:00

I love talking on the phone with John, while looking at him through AIM Video.

I've decided I'm not going to wear any sort of makeup for awhile and I'm going to let my bangs grow with my hair. I'm tired of keeping up with them and cutting them once a week.

I'm heading up to Richmond this weekend for my day of birth. I don't know what's planned. Probably running into Chelsea and Courtney. Maybe a night on the town with Jacob, Kim, John, and I. I don't know, don't really care as long as it's nice outside. I will probably bring Mylee with me, maybe.

I got my voyager activated Friday [thanks to Julia]. I love this phone. I gave John my Env-2. I think it's more suitable for him, I butt-dialed on it too much. Lets see what else have I spoiled myself with?
A Nikon Nikkormat 35mm film camera
A Nikon Cool Pix point and shoot camera
My d40 of course
A black 120g Ipod
An Argus 75 film camera w/flash and all
A 1986 snuggles bear to semi-replace the one I have now.

I consider these my b-day presents to myself.

My kitty isn't feeling well, and it makes me unhappy.

baby schmaby

2009-03-11T16:03:00.008-04:00

so instead of purchasing a new car, i decided [with the help of john and my father] that it'd be cheaper for me to find out everything major wrong with my car, see how much it is to fix it, present it to navy federal and switch my loan to a consolidation loan to cover to costs to fix my car plus the remaining balance on my car that i owe. so yeah, staying with the gold ol' jetta. which means i can still unlock john's car. sweet.

so i did this baby maker thing on the volkswagon website. and this is what it said our baby would look like if john and i had a kid. i did 2, with 2 different pics of him and i.

and

haha! i can't decide if it's ugly or cute. in the first one, i definitely think it would have darker hair and skin. i think i like the second one better though. haha oh man

wave tonight for influx night. some special guest dj's from richmond. and ladies are free before 11, that's what sold me!

fin.

2009-03-11T08:48:00.002-04:00

today i'm giving my car the cleaning it deserves. and then when my dad gets home i'm going to look at new cars so i can trade the fucker in. so stoked, yet so nervous. i hope this goes through as planned. then i won't be so hesitant to drive to richmond or where ever because i'll have a brand new car. i'm sure john will enjoy that. i won't say what car i'm planning to get, just expect pictures if i do get it. mhmm.

bidding bliss

2009-03-07T19:58:00.004-05:00

ahh, the joys of blowing money on ebay. i should be receiving my voyager within the next few days, as well as a hard case and a car charger for it. and i'm currently bidding on a 1986 snuggles plush bear and an ARGUS Seventy Five camera equipped with a flash, case, and leather bag. i want the snuggles because i still have mine from when i was 1, but he's all torn up and dirty, i just don't have the heart to wash him. this way i'll have a "new" and "old" one, both originals. i'm pretty sure i'll win both. and then that will be the end of my money spree for awhile. since i need to pay my dad 640 for part of this months rent, next months rent, and payback for my glasses. eek!

i've gotten pretty classy with my new toy:

fin.

birthday wishes

2009-03-05T16:19:00.003-05:00

black voyager
sewing machine
photo clutch
cream cowgirl boots
and some new 14g septum rings because i'm great at loosing the balls.

idk really, i had to think of stuff. just because i really want that phone. and then i'm going to turn around and sell my env-2. i hate it.

fin.

2009-03-04T15:37:00.002-05:00

i love my little one

accomplished

2009-03-01T20:39:00.006-05:00

i finally paid off my best buy credit card [all fucking 450 of it] and decided to treat myself to a nikon d40. i've got like 20 bucks left now out of my tax return, nice, how quick the money flies. but i'm happy. and now i have an extra 100 bucks a month which will be going directly into a separate checking account along with an addition 50-75 bucks a week to save for my apartment! i'll have close to 2,000 saved for first months rent + pet deposit + security deposit. which should still leave me with a little over 1,000 to buy the couch, dinner table set, and other shit i want. i love how everything is working out in my favor more and more.

check out this car accident john and i passed today.

you can't really see it, because it was night and my camera phone doesn't do justice, but there was a car on top of an suv. it was kinda neat, but i would have been scared shitless if that was me. we saw another accident earlier today too, i didn't take a picture of it. this guy ran head on to a pole, and there was blood all over the air bag. i see some of the craziest accident, i always seem to.

2009-02-28T19:04:00.003-05:00

hayy big booty judy. thank you dad for feeding me steak and mashed potatoes these past few months. summer time will appreciate it.

presenting: fun times with ryan, kirk, and john boy.

my hair is looking very nice these days. the layers are blending better, specially since i just cut a few inches off. feels better. looks healthier. and will grow out better. sad how i obsess over my hair, it's all i talk about at work.

the wave is getting intense. fog and crazy lights. makes me feel like i'm in the jennifer lopez video "waiting for tonight". it's a nice little addition, and danny played a nice set list this time. i still with adam could play up from. he's awesome and nice. i know i'm a regular when the one guy Nat danced with me for a song. slightly sexual, it was awesome. made me feel awesome. he's beautiful, it's sad when a gay guy can look more beautiful than a girl.

chelsea and courtney will be back in a few weeks for spring break. i can't wait to bring them back to the wave, hopefully the light things will become a regular. they'll love it.

man i love john.

i'm done blabbing. fin.

2009-02-26T20:05:00.002-05:00

first things first. i died my hair to rid of the red tint, which will probably be back in two weeks so who cares. its slightly darker, but give it a week and it'll settle back to light brown. and i cut about 2 inches off. it looks healthier now, my ends were getting icky. plus i'm sick of the layered long and having my hair shaped into a triangleish thing. so i just evened it straight across. still some layers, they'll take time to grow. eventually i want my hair all one length plus my bangs. i could never get rid of those. i've had bangs my whole life. with an exception of 8th and half of 9th grade. that's 20 years of my 22 years of life [since i turn 22 next month] long live the bangs!

two. i tried out wednesday night at the wave yesterday. [wednesday obviously] and i went sober thank you very much! it's not half bad. chris dj's and its mostly remixes, but very dancy. the night has potential. summer time should be promising, since there's no school and such. but as of now, literally there were only 10 people there including john, jamal, and i. but plenty of dancing room. haha.

three. i've got my eye on an awesome sectionallll. i mean its about the same as spending 600 on a couch and 300 on a loveseat. so i'm thinking why not. and you should see the dining set i'm checking out. oh the joys of picking out all this stuff. i already have a whole bedroom set that my dad got me as an early bday present. all cherry wood. so i figured i'd blow some dough on living room furniture. eeeeee, i can't wait.

four. and this will be random points under one paragraph. ginger ale is not the same without ice, even if it's chilled, it's something about crunching ice that tops it off. the rule of merging is every other person, so why can't people do jus that? it drives me nuts. so i have to take a detour home to avoid the construction. fyi; don't question my expertise at work. i know what i'm doing, i've been doing it for almost 4 years now, and i'm a manager. don't ask me if i know how to make a damn beverage. stupid semi-regular customers! i think mylee is about to go in heat, she's being an extreme bitch, which she usually isn't. and she won't even let me touch john now if she's cuddled with him. she'll bite me, yes bite her own mother who bought her, feeds her, takes care of her, and loves her like a human being.

the future. aka tomorrow. short short day at work and then planning on making an awesome video. i think i'm going to make videos in my spare time, i have a lot of it. and then later in the evening john and i are heading to kirk's to pre-game before the wave. with ryan, kirk, and kristin of course. and i'm going to attempt to make a blue motorcycle myself. i just have to buy all the different types of alcohol damnit. but i'll do great, i know it, because i am great.

bah hah, fin.

can we say

2009-02-24T20:28:00.003-05:00

mulletttttttttt? i was ready to cry that day, all because i fried my hair.
man i geek at this often. and this was a year ago, my hairs grown a lot since.

i love my animals so much. especially mylee. my little girl. she's sitting on my lap right now. i always look forward to coming home from a bad day at work, just to see her and she makes my day all better instantly. and Tilly is such a sweet, loving, tolerant cat. i can wear her as a boa and she lets me do it. she thinks shes a dog, but i think that just come from being around mylee. oh my babies, i adore them.

fin.

2009-02-23T17:58:00.002-05:00

leave me out of this situation. i have nothing to do with it, nor do i really care about it either.

my blogger picture header thing kinda reminds me of that one album cover for the sounds. john's going to love that one, he hates when i opt not to wear a bra. but why? ain't no shame in my game, he should love for people to be jealous of dem 34 d's. let me stop.

i've been attending the wave every friday again, partially because there's nothing better else to do during the winter. other than drink powder coffee and water that i attempt to make taste like 7-11's french vanilla cappuccinos. i have to say i've mastered it, but i get that from starbucks. even though 7-11 cappuccinos are more like lattes to starbucks, but not even close because its powder not espresso syrup and milk. man i'm on a rambling spree.

what else what else? i need to get to ordering john's thing for next month. i already know his size, it's just lazyness and impulsive buying that has held me back.

i can't think of shit else to say. fin.

2009-02-22T17:47:00.003-05:00

I lost my septum the other day. I lost one of the balls while I was sleeping. I hope I didn't swallow it. Now I've lost the whole damn thing. i'm actually pissed about it because I've been wearing it down a lot lately. Partially because I only wore it up because people didn't like me with it, but since when do I care? I've had it for like 2 years, why hide it all the time? But if anyone has an extra one they'd like to give so I don't have to buy a new one, I'll love you forever. Seriously.

I had a sinus infection this past week and had no appetite. I finally was able to enjoy food today without getting queezy. Poor John has a bad cold and there was nothing I could really do but lay with him and sleep all weekend.

I'm definitely getting a Nikon with my tax return, as well as paying off my Best Buy credit card and chopping it up. Then putting the rest towards savings for John and I's place. I've got my eye on some living room furniture, which I will be able to purchase as well with my return. And some new clothes. =] I'm planning on selling my Canon, I'm shooting for $125 at least, that's less than half of what I paid. I'm going to put it on eBay soon, unless anyone wants it, let me know!

I switched back to my old myspace. I like the URL better, and I just wanted to rid of some people on my other one. So it made better sense to go back instead of making another.

I've gained a new friendship, and hoping to rekindle another.
3 people I mainly miss: Kelly, Chelsea, Teagan.

HAYY JOHN, I LOVE YOU.

gimme

2009-02-19T16:53:00.003-05:00

this for my birthday

and this

and a new ipod and money and clothes.
which will probably be purchased with my tax return anyway.

hayy everybody, todays the big day

2009-02-16T18:30:00.004-05:00

i simply love bruce.
and john. this weekend was awesome. although richmond isn't my favorite, i made the very best of it. john definitely surprised me with my favorite flower, even though i have never told him what it was, and no one else knows what it is either. maybe a lucky guess? who knows but i was shocked. he spoiled me to eating out all weekend and great sex. yeah i said it, shove it people. we went to maymount park and fed goats. i love goats. and i pretended like the big mansion in the middle was mine and took a picture by it kinda like those real estate commercials. we watched the contract, even though it pissed me off, it was still a good movie. i wrote all over john's car with shoe polish and threw fake rose petals all over it, baked him cupcakes that looked like boobs and balls, got him lucky bamboo plants, and made mylee pose in her bikini for his card. he's the greatest.

next month is my birthday, and inventory ended up on my birthday again this year. but i never do anything for my birthdays anyway, and not like i associate with anyone to come to a party either, so i could care less. and i probably won't mention anything about my birthday again until it's passed. i'm just slighty pissed i have to work, even though its over night and 3 hours, i could be sleeping.

i'm more excited about something else next month...

someone said i had red hair today. wtf? are they color blind? i know brunettes have copper tones, but how dare they refer to me as a ginger kid. ick. haha.

my dog and cat are awesome. i want more animals.

fin.

2009-02-10T18:07:00.003-05:00

I'm heading to Richmond on Friday, although I'm not a huge fan, but I'm biting my lip and doing it for John, since he's driven down the past 8 weekends or so in a row. Great guy. Which also means no Wave. [sorry Jamal!] But after last Friday's incident I think I need a break. 2 blue motorcycles turn me into a crying little girl for no reason, who throws up all over the girl's bathroom sink 3 times.

Mylee and Tilly are so spoiled it's ridiculous. I think John and I are going to build a Kitty house/tower/tree thing for Tilly. It's cheaper than buying a stupid $70 one that has bad reviews anyway, and it's more heartfelt. Awe. As for Mylee, she doesn't need anything else. Well, maybe a new bikini for this summer. You know the rule, no repeats from the year before!

Hot & Spicy beef is the way to go at any chinese restaurant, fo' sho'.

Crystal King has been my main lady lately, I feel awesome because I'm now Dylan's "Auntie". He's a handsome baby, one of the handsomest I've ever seen.

_______________________________

This past weekend consisted of going to the polar plunge and feeding seagulls. Oh Yeah!!!

2009-02-04T16:05:00.002-05:00

I've gained quite a few pounds over these past few months. I can hardly fit into my favourite pair of high-waisted shorts. I have to pull them up as high as I can and suck my stomach in to button them while trying not to consume anything that day. Even then it's uncomfortable. Plenty of people from work have all said they've noticed as well, probably because on 2 pairs of my work pants I've popped the zipper and they're a little tighter in the butt. My boss had even told me I'm getting a bubble butt now, Awesome! I look healthy again so no complaints here.

I am, however, going to start working out to keep my stomach flat. Crunches, sit-ups, and jogging should do the trick. Nothing too too harsh because I'm still lazy. Summer is looking promising; long hair, nice bod, sweet bathingsuit, sexy man by my side. Bring it!

Valentine's Day is approaching, I'm really excited because I've never really had a someone special around this time, so I'm semi-puzzled on what to do. I'm traveling to Richmond for sure because poor John has been driving here the past 7 weekends straight. I think I'll just let things fall into play as they come.

I've gotten apartment happy. I already have couches, coffee tables, decor, etc. picked out, and I've saving the money to purchase them. Now I just wait for June to look for places and then by August be snuggled in. mhmm.

rest in peace roxy

2009-01-28T05:01:00.002-05:00

you will be missed more than you know.

2009-01-23T18:36:00.001-05:00

today i went with john to take secret photos.
as in we had to hide on a rooftop and he took pictures of a guy proposing to a girl.
i won't say who, but it was pretty damn cute.
creepy, but cute.

getting my dance on tonight, oh yes.

2009-01-21T18:38:00.002-05:00

I can't say enough about how much I love Velveeta shells and cheese. Not only do I love the taste, but I love how I've had nothing but good memories to go along with it. Like for instance, my former roommate Natalie. It was the only thing her and I could agree on to eat. I hated hamburgers, she loved them, I loved veggies, she hated them. Velveeta was an easy pleaser. And it was ridiculous how much we ate of it a week, close to everyday. Man I miss Natalie, although she got annoying at times because she acted like my mother, she was just doing it out of love. Her and I were so opposite, and when I say opposite, I mean as opposite as opposite can get, but we got along so well. I miss when I'd be watching Ghost Hunters and eating chips and dip, and she'd come home complaining about work and being pregnant. I'd do anything to have her move back to the states. And I like how this entry went from Velveeta to Natalie.

all that needed be said today is;

2009-01-20T15:55:00.003-05:00

FUCK OBAMA.

I couldn't agree more with Julia's "the reality is" bulletin.

but fuck McCain too. I don't think anyone is really smart enough to pull us out of what we're in now. Someone may have the smarts to help dig us out slightly, but not completely. But helping lazy ass fucks who don't want to get off their ass and work, who just depend on welfare, is not my idea of digging us out.

2009-01-19T17:41:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama looks like a monkey, his wife looks like the devil, and the kids I just want to flat out punch in the face because they look like brats. Not that McCain was any better, he looks like a turtle. And no I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. I didn't vote so I have no room to complain, they both would have fucked up.

Court tomorrow. Oh yay, oh yay. I can't wait to see Rob. [sarcasm] Personally, I'm sorry that that cop guy died and all, but I don't give a fuck. [not sarcasm] I didn't know him, I didn't know the kid who killed him. All I'm doing in confirming that Rob had ahold of pot plants that POSSIBLY may have belonged to that other kid, but I'm also confirming that he got rid of them. So why the fuck do they need me? I'm sorry but the case is blown way out of proportion, people die every day. They just care more because the guy was a cop, which makes him more important than anyone else. Right? Uh no. Sorry if I offend anyone, or if anyone knew him, two of my good friends are cops, so I'm not all anti-cop. Once again, I'm just saying.

I'm expecting my glasses in a few days. I'm so excited. I got one big old person pair, and a regular thick frame pair. I'm bummed though because I developed an astigmatism over the past two years, nice I'm screwed. Bound to glasses for sure forever.

I'm just full of complaints, and I'm not even pmsing.
Only thing I'm not complaning about is that John has wasted his gas the past four, and this weekend will make it five, weekends in a row that he's drove down to see me. And it means a lot.

011409

2009-01-14T19:33:00.004-05:00

i've had an obsession with schweppes ginger ale lately, it's so good. i wish they served it at 3 amigos, something about drinking a nice crisp caffeine free soda with my nachos with chicken and beans excites my taste buds. i usually drink sprite with my meal, partially because i'm not a fan of caffeinated soda, let alone any soda really. but i don't enjoy my meal much with just a water or fruit juice. with mexican food you need that bubbly goodness that makes you burb so you feel like you have more room to eat. but i would prefer schweppes ginger ale instead, yes!

i'm pending on my w-2 form to arrive at work. i got back 950 last year, so i expect more this year since i make more and have worked more hours and plenty of overtime which means the more taken out, the more i'll be getting back. i want to pay off my lap top, order my 2 bathingsuits and glasses i want from american apparel, get some new outfits, buy a cool couch for john and my apartment for august, and put some asside in another checking account strictly for the apartment. and any other left over money from each of my paychecks are going in that account aswell. and i'm working on switching car insurance because 250 a month is way too much for my driving record. and i'm also working on trading in or selling my car, depending on how much i could get for a trade in. if not i'm gonna sell my car for close to what i owe and switch it to a signature loan for the left over amount, extend it and get a new, cheaper, more reliable car. and i've also lowered my phone bill by like 20 dollars since i was paying for minutes i don't use.

and lastly, i need to go platinum at work. it'll give me a 5% raise. and then when my year raise comes up in april i'll get another 3% raise. bringing me a little over 2,300 a month before taxes. and even with almost 200 getting taken out of my paycheck a week for taxes and health insurance i'll still be left with a decent amount which will be good. especially once i pay off my laptop i'll have that extra 100 a month. and then if i lower my insurance, and get a better car that i don't have to fix ever 2 months, i'll have plenty of money to afford rent, utilities, my usual bills, groceries, and then some. and after i have all of this set, i'll look into school. still hair school, so i can get my license in less than 2 years [because i'd have to do it part time] and then get my foot in the door on a career.

a lot of things going on, sad that money is the base, but i'm enjoying planning my future.

jealousy in the air

2009-01-10T18:18:00.004-05:00

one major thing that has been bugging me the past 3, going on 4 months is my dog seems to love john more than me. since the first day she met him, anytime he comes over or i bring her to richmond, she is all over him and treats me like yesterdays news. the only times she'll come to me if he's around is if i have food in my mouth because she knows i usually share with her, which i have not been lately because of my jealousy. i mean, i bought her with my own money, i feed her, i bath her, i take care of her, i treat her like my child, sometimes too much like my child. i don't get it.

like for instance, i just took this picture of her sitting under a chair that his bag of clothes are sitting on top of. and right now he's at dinner with his parents. she has been sitting there for the past 4 hours almost. i've moved her, tried putting her under the covers with me, but she just gets up and goes back to that spot.

the thing that makes me laugh is that i don't get upset or jealous if john talks to another girl, but i get jealous when my dog pays more attention to him than me. ridiculous.

2009-01-07T16:53:00.001-05:00

damn straight you do.

decisions 09

2009-01-06T17:35:00.003-05:00

i want gauges again. no bigger than zeros. not on a girl at least.
i don't know why really, i remember enjoying the pain of going the next size up.
but i like any pain of that sort, hence why i've had my nose pierced 3 different ways.
my septum is still alive and kicking, although i don't wear it much, only when i feel.
i also kinda miss my double rings on my nostril, i've given that thought as well.
and i can't decide if i want to put my belly ring back in or not, that hole will never close.
so the decision i need to make is;
keep septum?
or get my double rings back?
or put my belly ring back in?
or gauge my ears again?
or none, but none is too boring!

and i want to add more to my whale, without shading the damn thing in black.
that'd be too much.

this was a dumb entry.
HEY CHELSEA, geek out at this.

vous et nul autre

2009-01-05T15:36:00.005-05:00

a promise i've made and will keep.
it's funny to sit and think about how i've changec and settled down these past few months.
i feel like i don't need to hangout with anyone as long as i have john. i have no desire.
and no, he doesn't make me, he tries to push me to, but i just see no need.
it's like i'm ready for my real future to begin. i'm ready to settle down more than i have.
i've given school a good deal of thought, next classes start in march, something to look at.
i've decided my career path, even though i'm doubtful, john's right, i won't know until i try.
i got a raise at work, and i only have to work 40 hours now so it gives me more time for it.
i'm semi-ready for a kid, not financially but i wouldn't care really.
i've already had a few "scares" from being over a week late, but i'm not actually scared.
God will let it happen when He feels we're ready.
the one thing i'm sure about, johns the only one for me.

TAPS

2008-12-30T19:41:00.006-05:00

just finished season four part 1. i just can't ever get enough of this show.
thank you john, this was one of the many awesome gifts he got me, knowing i'm a huge fan.
i can't wait until season four part 2 goes on DVD.
i still have to get seasons 1 2 and 3 back from other people, if not i'll just re buy them with my tax return.
bottom line, i love ghost hunters. i want one of their t-shirts.

mmmm, new years eve tomorrow.

get ready

2008-12-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

for the last dance of '08.
i'm actually bringing my camera this time,
and corey and david!
stoked.

Dear Atlantic Shores,

2008-12-21T13:03:00.002-05:00

well my dad and i were talking after church today, about what people said about me when i first transferred from lake taylor to there, what they assumed i was going to end up like after graduation, and it makes me think of how fucked up and judgmental most christians are these days.

like for instance, 10th grade i dated the pastors son. his parents didn't agree with it because i was at a secular school at the time and thought i'd corrupt their poor boy. [which honestly coming from lake taylor i was a pretty good kid, asside from my attitude problem] but with that said, weren't they the ones who left the church recently because the pastor was close to having an affair?

another thing, a few of my fathers friends and coworkers at the church said i was going to go downhill after graduation and get into trouble. sure, i drank a few times from the time i was 19 until 21, but only one smirnoff malt beverage here and there, however, i didn't do it enough times to count on all ten fingers. AND, i didn't have my first legal drink at 21 until about two weeks after my birthday. yes, for about a month or two i went crazy and drank more than twice a week, but who doesn't at first? i can say i wasn't too bad because shortly after i cut it down to once a week at the wave and stopped talking to these people slowly but surely [and one recent incident cut me from them completely], and now i've even cut it down to like once or twice a month i drink, which is when i go to the wave with john. but again, to these people, correct me if i'm wrong but, half of the people from my graduating class and the year under have gotten into drugs, got knocked up and had a kid, and i know one person disrespected his mother and doesn't even talk to her. i can proudly say i have not fallen into any of that.

and now they look down on me because i haven't been to church in like 2 years. the only reason i don't really think twice about going to that church is because some are so quick to form an opinion or rumor about someone, but can't look in the mirror and judge themself first. so to all the people of atlantic shores who said shit and still do, fuck you and get over yourselves!

gimme disss

2008-12-18T15:56:00.004-05:00

mhmm, mitchell davis.

john should be coming over at about 930 and we'll have a late dinner with my faja. i've been practicing cooking with my pops, so i'm gonna test my skills for john. hopefully i don't kill him. and i'm forcing him to open his presents early just because i can't wait, i'm too excited.

and tomorrow i'm venturing back out to the wave, i left my coat there 2 weeks ago, hopefully the guy saved it like he said he would. we're supposed to meet up with macie and kayla, and probably sarah and her boyfriend and scott. it'll be fun. even though i have to open the next day, but what's new.

i'm coming out

2008-12-16T18:59:00.003-05:00

i'm done being a hermit crab, i'm missing out on too much.
just finding out what's been going on with people i used to hang with like 2 years ago,
kinda made me laugh and also left me thinking "wtf, are you serious?!"
but i'm just ready to get out and have fun again.
i just need to learn how to call people back and stop being so selfish.

my dad is on a mission to help me gain weight.
he says i've lost a lot in the past year since he's been gone.
so by summer i should be more filled out again and in shape. stokeddd.
i still need to order that bathingsuit i want to get me more stoked.

seriously summer i have a lot to look forward to;
long hair, nice bod, sweet bathingsuit, surfing with the dad, john moving back.
oh boy!

animal party

2008-12-12T07:26:00.004-05:00

excuse my last post, i was in a bummed mood.

excited for the weekend, using the rest of my vacay time to see john.
painting, shopping, exploring, and eating my chips and dip is in store and i'm stoked.

my hair is finally getting past that 'in between' stage and i'm able to do more with it.
the sides can basically fit in my ponytail now so i'm happy.
summer it should be so long considering my hair grow reasonably fast.
mmmm.

xmas and the new year needs to pass by quick, i'm ready for the beach again.

my animals!

i'm a bitch.

2008-12-11T17:29:00.001-05:00

i got the boyfriend, the dad, the dog cat and fish.
fuck all the rest.

rumors confirmed

2008-12-04T07:03:00.002-05:00

ed is home.
and i couldn't be more happier.
well i will be friday when john comes home and gets to meet him.

rumor has it

2008-12-02T17:34:00.003-05:00

my dad is back, and if that's true, well consider me the happiest girl in the world right now.

i have accepted that

2008-12-01T18:31:00.005-05:00

my life will never be the same as it was 2 months ago;
i have fucked up 3 friendships that i'll never achieve back no matter what i could do;
i will probably have a low social life from here on out;
i am lazy and have not been putting forth effort in my future career;
my hair has lost its natural curl;
etc etc.

shame on me daddy, shame on me.

the only things that are keeping me going currently is i'm moving back in with my dad when he comes back this month. it means quality time with him because my step mom and siblings don't come back until august. august also means when i finally move back out on my own again. of course my animals will be coming along.

but still, those are not enough.
i understand why my mother tried killing herself a month or so ago, she told me she was lonely, i thought she was nuts, but the way i feel now i can semi-relate.
and no, this isn't me saying i'm going to attempt to kill myself.
i just wish there were things i could do to make up for the decisions i've made that have hurt those 3 people. [1. teagan 2. kelly 3. kimmy]
i wish we could all just forgive and forget, but who am i kidding?
and because of all this i really have no one to talk to, run to, whatever.
i just get that sense that no one likes me anymore.
of course i have john, but he has his friends too,
but what do i have exactly? my animals?

"everyone, please give it your all this year"

2008-11-25T17:07:00.003-05:00

i have a Rasputina song stuck in my head, well i wouldn't necessarily call it a song, but i'm totally obsessed with it. it's called PJ + Matthew + Vincent + Bjork, or something of that sort. it's a dialogue making fun of those celebs and i think it's hilarious and totally want to make a video and dress up as each character. so i'm thinking i'll do that in the near future.

i'm so sick of the hype with the holidays. i'm ready for thanksgiving, christmas, and new year to be done and over with and bring back summer. i already have my bathingsuit picked out, i just have to purchase it. i've never ordered one offline before, i'm kinda sketchy because i want to choose the right sizes, but i'm dying for this suit because i don't think many will have it. or at least the two pieces paired up. and i'm buying new glasses soon. i'm giving in and buying those "trendy" glasses that are big and dorky with clear lenses, but when i get them i'm going to fill them with my perscription. i should be allowed to wear them since they are perscription and i'm not wearing them just because. well, i suppose i would be wearing them just because, but i feel like i've made my point.

that's all i have to really say for now i believe. oh and..

watch this first

then this

and just laugh, that guy is hilarious.

"JOHN MENARD,

2008-11-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

I LOVE YOU AND I WILL MARRY YOU"

except instead of daisys, i'd use turtles. mmhmm.

facing my fears

2008-11-19T18:36:00.004-05:00

this past friday, john and i took a road trip to st augustine and orlando for two main purposes; the st augustine lighthouse was my FAVORITE episode of ghost hunters, and sea world orlando to face my fear of killer whales.

it was nice to get away from everything, st augustine was amazing, the lighthouse was amazing. i never thought id get to stand in the illegid haunted lighthouse. i was reliving the episode of ghost hunters on the way to the top and back down to the bottom.

however, orlando was somewhat.. annoying, in my opinion. gimmicks at every street corner, ridiculous tourist attractions, a little too over the top. nonetheless, i had fun. we most dined at all-you-can-eat buffets, and walked the streets. even got to see the space shuttle launch. saturday was the big day for sea world. all of the animals were so cute, of course i saved shamu for last. i had a breakdown for a few minutes and cried. it hard to describe how i felt at that moment, but coming so close to something im so afraid of was overwhelming. but i did it! and theyre not so bad afterall. i cant say im totally over my fear, but im a little more comfortable with them. tilikum was the "shamu" of the show, hes too big to really perform with trainers, so they use him to splash everyone, besides who would honestly want to swim with the one whos already killed 2 people. but hes my favorite for some reason.

and john, thanks so much for doing that for me. you don't know how much it meant.

au revoir

2008-10-28T16:51:00.006-04:00

done with this p.o.s. for awhile.

all i have to say is

2008-10-27T19:09:00.001-04:00

fuck you
and that pertains to many people from my past and present.

stay positive, stay positive

2008-10-26T09:13:00.004-04:00

could i possibly sum up my past week in an entry that's not too long for the eye? yes.

wednesday morning, i got a call from the police while i was at work stating my mother attempted suicide and had stabbed herself in the chest. John and Teagan and Bo showed they really cared the most. she was released later than day, i'm not sure why. the whole time at the hospital she blamed her boyfriend and me, that that's why she did it. because i hit her and shoved her against the wall the night before, she made me snap, my own mother had been stealing my money for god knows how long. she said i damaged her, but she damaged me too. my dad will be coming back from japan soon and i will be moving in with him as soon as he does until John comes back in august. then i'm moving out with him. i have a lot of apologizing to do to Teagan, after i left the hospital i was in no mood to talk, but neglected to inform her with anything. and it upset her and i'm pretty sure i lost her friendship. but i need to at least say i'm sorry.

florida is close, i'm ready to run out the door now and get away. especially from work. i'm ready to face my fear. i'm ready to ghost hunt. i'm waiting on some sweet shoes i ordered from ebay. some green metallic sheen high top reebok. [with the straps, hah] those will complete my uffie costume. which is pretty basic and simple, just a shirt thats a little, well more than a little revealing, shorts, shoes, chains, makeup, etc. i'm stoked.

mhmm.

jack, i'll miss you.

2008-10-20T06:16:00.001-04:00

you were seriously like my grandpa, part of my "starbucks family"
i will miss you coming in 3 times a day calling me "trouble" and preaching to me about jesus.
i love you jack attack.

his memorial service was today, it was quite sad, but comforting.
lenny and i went together for 20 minutes, because i had to go back to work,
but i felt i had to pay my respects.
i didn't think i'd be so upset over this, but i am.

like mother, like daughters;

2008-10-16T22:41:00.001-04:00

i love frostysss

mylee loves frostysss

kitty loves frostysss

we all love frostys!!!!

UFFIE & DJ FEADZ

2008-10-15T14:35:00.002-04:00

Halloween premiere. get stoked.

Test Results; Negative -

2008-10-14T10:45:00.005-04:00

The past few days I've done nothing but work. Close down shop, open up shop, work 10 hours a day, sometimes without a break, do a shit load of paper work, train ignorant people, etc. And it boggles my mind that this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I'm 21 and never really have time for much because of my job and my "responsibility" because I'm a department head, and on my days off I have at least call to check up on the place to make sure everything is under control. I can only imagine how much worse it'll get from here, and how much more worn out I'll be.

I can't wait until Florida. I think about it constantly. I think of how much fun we're going to have and how nice it'll be to get away from everything. The only thing that will be sad is that my Mylee can't come along. I'll buy her and the cat something, hah.

Halloween is coming along and John and I still have no clue what to be or what we're doing.
Suggestions?

This makes me giggle. At least they tried.

Da Happiest Wittle Girl in the World

2008-10-12T18:13:00.005-04:00

Nothing can get me down at this point, because my daddy wrote me back! I haven't heard from him in about 5 months, and to wake up this morning and see an e-mail from him made me feel so happy inside. To know that everyone was doing okay and that they don't hate me took a load off of my chest. I love my daddy so much and I can't wait until he and the rest of my family comes back from Okinawa.

Also, planning this Florida trip gets more and more exciting each minute. I think it'll be an awesome experience for John and I, that and the fact I'm going to face my fear as well is even more awesome. Still the thought of seeing an actual Killer Whale gives me the "willies" down my back and makes me queasy to my stomach. 1 month!!!

Only one thing to complain about honestly, today a customer came in and ordered a Tall Vanilla Nonfat 180* Latte. So i rang her up and such and she made sure I was going to use the regular vanilla and not the sugar free, which didn't bother me. BUT, once i was done she asked "Is this 180*?" when she could clearly see that the thermometer did confirm that. And because I steamed her nonfat milk in the half and half pitcher she had to spark an attitude and say, "I really hope you didn't just use half and half in that." I said "No ma'am, it's nonfat like you asked. I just don't pay any mind to the pitchers especially when I'm the only one working because I won't mix it up." I mean c'mon lady, I've been doing this for over 3 years, and she knew it because she's a semi-regular customer. I think I know how to make a drink, Thanks!

And here's my beautiful puppy, Mylee. She turns 1 soon!

"oh now baby, don't miss read the signs"

2008-10-10T10:52:00.004-04:00

i took this with my phone, i can't stop staring at it.
it's almost like one of those celeb wallpapers you have to pay for to download.
mmm.

and yet, for some reason this boy thinks i don't care for him as much as he does for me.
which i think is quite silly, if you ask me. i feel i show it. granted, maybe not to the fullest, but i show it.
i mean, i'm not one of those girls who showers her myspace in photos of the two of us, i'm not in this to make other people jealous.
you said, "with all the crazy stuff going on last night, it was if you didn't care"
i'm not one of the girls that if another girl is hitting him with pillows in a rage right in front of me, that i'll get pissed off and do something about it, it's just not me.
maybe i'm not used to the way you treat me, being treated like a girl should be treated, and i just don't know how to act towards it.
i'm used to getting let down, my feelings hurt, and just being used as a "trophy";
but you, you don't do that.
please get this out of your head that i don't care for you, because i can assure you that you're the only guy running through my head.

dis boii

2008-10-09T14:44:00.001-04:00

iz amazin'

"you can't survive on icecream"

2008-10-07T18:16:00.002-04:00

places i'd like to visit;;

Okinawa to see my dad, step mom, brothers, and sister

England to see Natalie and her baby boy, Landen

Paris to Tecktonik, sight see, and meet VaVan

St Augustine Light House to ghost hunt

Sea World Florida to face my fear of killer whales

Hopefully I'll be doing two of the above next month with John.
[St Augustine + Sea World] Partially because they're both in Florida.
He's amazing for wanting to do this with me, I've been wanting to for so long.

50/50

2008-10-05T21:17:00.001-04:00

it's been on my mind the past few days, a decision we made;
something that would change my life; that could be portrayed as both good and bad.
i'm not too worried about the possible outcome, but then i am.
as long as i have him;

some people lack confidence in me with john and i's relationship.
they say to him; "you guys won't last a week" or "she'll get bored with you soon"
i can see why some say it, because my past relationships never lasted.
either guys just wanted sex, or kept me hidden, or lost interest.
and i felt uncomfortable with the fact that it was always just physical so i would just break up with them, or i'd get upset at the fact that we had a "secret" relationship so i felt as if they were embarrassed of me.
or my last relationship i was restricted, i couldn't really talk to anyone and i never did anything right. and dealt with that off and on for a year.
yeah, i've had make-out buddies here and there, they usually lead me on.
and the people who are currently saying these things about me have only known me for a few months, don't even know any of my ex's or ex flings, and just make assumptions of some of my actions a few months ago.

the thing is, john is nothing like any of the other guys i've ever been with or tried to be with. he shows me affection in public, but not so much to where we look like we're obsessed freaks. he's open with his feelings and expresses constantly how much he likes me, being physical isn't the most important thing to him, but he makes me feel good about myself. he likes doing some of the random/stupid things that i enjoy with me. i don't know how else to express myself currently, i feel like it's still semi early, but i feel like this will be one of the first one to really work out. i feel like he's for me, and i don't ever wanna mess this one up.

0928

2008-10-02T23:23:00.000-04:00

i really like this one.

one week,

2008-09-29T22:51:00.002-04:00

it's almost up boy.

i'm obsessed

2008-09-20T13:20:00.003-04:00

Innerpartysystem- Don't Stop

with this song! the girl in the video is beautiful.

mommy make me feel better,

2008-09-19T13:54:00.009-04:00

i hate not feeling good. HATE IT.
i may visit the doctors soon if i do not get better.

but alas, i'll leave you with some photos,
because i'm drawing blanks in my head;

my toe after the wave last friday, ouch!

mylee being playful at 4 in the morning. <3

the moon when i left for work, so beautiful.

kirk being kirk at work.

=]

I’ll be a Chivers guy some day; In my mind

2008-09-18T17:07:00.003-04:00

Today at work my two cop buddies, Mark and Lenny, stopped by for their usual coffee and latte. Mark gave me the usual talk about how he wants me to sign up for school and get my life started so I'm not stuck at Starbucks forever. He said he'd look up hair schools for me that are affordable and such. Lenny is helping me find a new, more reliable car this weekend, or at least sometime soon. He and his wife are going along with me to make sure I don't get ripped off again like how I did with my Jetta. So I'm sitting back right now, and it makes me so happy to know how much two random people care so much about me bettering myself. That they are taking the time out of their busy day to stop and help me. It really makes me want to cry, because right now it seems like they're the only elders who do care about me, compared to my family. And it hurts on that aspect, but also feels good that at least they care. I consider them my family. Thanks Mark and Lenny.

"Toi et moi, c’est comme tu sais
Comment mon cœur a succombé"
Mhmm! Good ol' Sebastien Tellier. So true, so true.

2008-09-17T22:09:00.002-04:00

the things going through my head right now...
that i shouldn't think about, but i am.
and i can't help but think about; all of the what if's.
and if others are pondering it also.

i apologize for doing this but

2008-09-16T14:03:00.004-04:00

i put my septum back in.

=]